Ten Reasons My Husband Shouldn’t Go Out of Town

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You probably already know, but Chris left on Friday morning for SXSW in Austin. He came back this afternoon. I love being married and spending all day every day with him and Caelyn, and I miss him when he’s gone, but I don’t mind being “home alone.” In fact, I enjoy alone time, even though I’m not so alone any more when Chris isn’t here. Despite my background, I’m not nervous or afraid when he’s gone. I lived in an apartment by myself, after all. And, even when he’s here, if there’s a loud noise in the night, yours truly will probably be investigating it. With that police warning out, I’d rather not be out in the middle of the night letting the dog pee, but I took a really big flashlight with me.

All in all, I’m really excited for Chris to be home, but I had a good time in “The Girls’ Club.” Even so, I can think of a few reasons my husband shouldn’t leave me alone. (None of these apply when he is in town.):

1. I suddenly get the notion that I deserve to eat whatever I want and whatever Chris doesn’t like, even if it’s not good for me. Because I know how much you like details, here’s what I ate:

Friday:

Lean Cuisine Something
Wendy’s Chicken Sandwich (& a few of Caelyn’s fries)
(Small) Slice of Key Lime Pie

Saturday:

(Low-fat) Biscotti & Coffee
1/2 Chicken Salad Sandwich (on croissant) & Tomato Basil Soup
1/2 Lemon Tart (Caelyn ate the other half.)
1/3 Wolfgang Puck Natural Frozen Pizza

Sunday:

Biscotti & Coffee
(Low-fat) Baked Potato Soup (with bacon crumbles & light sour cream/cheese)
Taco Bell Nacho Supreme & Crispy Taco

Monday:

Biscotti & Coffee
Rest of Baked Potato Soup
(Low-fat) 3 Cheese Ravioli w/ Sweet Tomato Basil Sauce & Salad
The rest of a sleeve (maybe 1/5) of reduced-fat Ritz . . . in bed . . . at 2 a.m.

Tuesday:

Biscotti & Coffee
Turkey Sandwich
(I’m making fajitas tonight. And I’m excited about it.)

What’s missing from that menu? Vegetables? I love veggies, but they’re sure not on on there in mass quantity. But don’t worry. I fed ‘em to Caelyn. And I think I deserve some credit for not buying that carrot cake I mentioned in Off the Record, since I love carrot cake and Chris hates it.

2. I drink three cups of coffee in the morning, instead of one. I take it black, so calories aren’t a big deal, but do I really need that much caffeine? My tummy says no. I drink it on a relatively empty stomach, because . . . .

3. I don’t really eat breakfast. Notice the biscotti listed above, as though that’s a suitable breakfast. Again, don’t worry. Caelyn had Cheerios with strawberries and bananas every day.

4. I overestimate my ability to be productive. This weekend’s project list?

1. Pull out the clothes that don’t fit Caelyn (to give to Claire)

2. Mark and bag said clothes

3. Reorganize Caelyn’s closet

5. Buy swimsuit

6. Pull out the toys that are too young for Caelyn (to give to Claire)

7. Reorganize laundry room

8. Reorganize kitchen

9. Clean out magazine bin

10. Figure out how to reorganize books so we don’t look like crazy old professors and Caelyn can’t tear them up

11. Rip old CDs to iMac, find album artwork for the ones not on iTunes

12. Clean entire apartment

13. Wash all the rugs

14. Wash all the bedding Chris used when he had the flu

Okay. So I did all of those things, except number 8. (That’s a big project!) But I didn’t do them in one sitting, which means I made a huge mess. I also didn’t finish 11 and I’m afraid I never will. I know; how in the world do I still have CDs that aren’t ripped? Aren’t I down with the times? Here’s the thing:

I have a lot of CDs that Chris doesn’t like. And I didn’t have an iPod back when ripping CDs became hip. Plus, I wasn’t often on the computer, especially not on the iMac, where all the music “has” to be.

How is it possible that, in our family, I didn’t have an iPod?

We got the Mini first, which Chris mainly used. Then we got a Shuffle but like I want to do any major listening when I can’t select the music. (The red ones are still pretty cool.) So I just kept listening to CDs. After we moved here, Chris got a Video and gave me the Mini. But I still didn’t have much face time with the iMac and I used it with the stereo in my office — at a conservative ministry where my listening options were restricted. I switched between CDs and K-LUV for the traffic reports on my commute. (CD to radio is an easier switch.) Then I had Caelyn, quit my job, and Chris wanted a Nano to go with his shoes. You see where this is going, right?

I was down with the Nano, so long as I got the Video, which I use every day.

And there you have it. The only functioning CD players we have now are on computers.

5. I spend more money than I usually do: movies, music, food, swimsuit, toys. I didn’t spend a lot, but it felt like it since I rarely spend money exclusively on me. (Yeah, the ball, Mr. Potato Head, and The Great Mouse Detective weren’t for me.) I didn’t buy a ton of stuff when I lived by myself (from Jan 01 to June 04) either, but I still spent a decent amount of “extra” cash. I’d guess I probably bought around 10 CDs a month and ate out all the time. Not only that, but say I really wanted to go out for steaks but you were strapped for cash. Not a problem. It was on me. I paid my bills on time and always had groceries too. And I flippin’ worked on campus. I had my rent (and insurance and tuition) covered for most of that time, but I still don’t understand how I had that kind of cash.

I’m sure no one but my sister is interested, but here’s the swimsuit I ordered:

Not super sexy, but practical enough for Aquacise and cute enough for the pool. The top is a material that’ll make it “suction” instead of flow with the exercise moves. The only catch is whether or not it’ll be long enough. Stupid 5′11.

Of course, if Chelsea had posted about this earlier, I’d have gone an entirely different route:

6. Apparently, Chris being out of town attracts individuals to interrupt Caelyn’s nap, resulting in her spending the rest of the day and the next day devastated by the slightest disappointment . . . and everything is disappointing.

“I can’t get my purse off my stroller; I’d better scream about it.”

“Now I can’t push my stroller through the wall; I’d better bang my head against the wall.”

“Mommy is standing, since I don’t want her to, I’d better pull my hair and cry about it.”

“I don’t want to wear Mommy’s flip flop, but I’m going to keep putting it on and whining about it anyway.”

“Maverick keeps looking at me and I don’t like it, so I’ll just screech and flail my arms at him.”

(She just kissed me while I typed that, so now I feel a little guilty. She’s still a sweetheart.)

Two maintenance guys showed up yesterday to “inspect the apartment.” I asked them to come back later, but it had to be “right” then. They had a “schedule.” I’d like to point out that had I not been there, Maverick would’ve been, and they couldn’t have come in. But they did. And they accomplished nothing aside from changing the filter and spreading their cologne everywhere. I showed them where the window leaks and where the weather stripping is so far gone that you can see outside and told them that the toilet has to be plunged at least once a month. They didn’t care; these weren’t on the list. Apparently, only the filter, the locks, and the hall light and smoke detector count. They didn’t even check the other smoke detectors. Also, I know how to change a light bulb. And I’d fixed the deadbolt two days before.

Today a solicitor called. Two days ago a realtor showed up. Maverick barked at some kids the day before that.

7. I stay up way too late. I don’t mean to, but I always do. I don’t have to be doing anything. I can be watching some show I don’t care about or holding out for a show I do like or organizing or perusing the Web or reading or thinking or listening to music or taking bubble baths or cleaning or planning a project I’ll never do or writing or watching infomercials for products I’d never use (Cristin, you so need a Cricut!). And if HGTV gets turned on, well, it doesn’t matter how stupid the show is, how obnoxious the host is, or how ugly the design is — I’m hanging in for the reveal. Before and after!

Since I was ripping old CDs, I spent a lot of time up late on the Internet while listening to stuff I haven’t listened to in a while.

Like this:

And this:

And lots of other stuff that I have listened to since I acquired the Video iPod, but not as often as I used to.

8. It makes my family nervous. They like safety. They think safety is most accessible in the company of a trusted male (and least accessible in the company of an unknown/untrusted male).

9. Walking Maverick (a 95 lb shepherd dog who swerves and pulls) is tricky with a 20-month old. But we enjoyed our “family walks” all the same.

10. There are wasps in the Mail Center. And everywhere else. Plotting against me.

PS — Thanks for your comments! Look for responses during tomorrow’s nap time! But please don’t call or drop by to inquire about them or ask me to buy something. My patience is about spent.

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Filed under Adventures, Family and Friends, Music, Parenting, The History of Me